Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will be naked everywhere
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
