So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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