even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
