FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
