This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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