I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
