The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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