I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize