Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
