I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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