I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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