mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
