I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
