TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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