i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
