I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize