May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
