FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
