I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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