I can tuck mytits in my pants
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
