Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
