You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
