Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
