Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
