I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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