Need sex. Gaining weight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
