this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
