There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
