woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize