with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
