Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
