i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
