the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
