Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
