I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
