It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
