Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
