Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
only you would photoshop your dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
