You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
