Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
