I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i drank out of a bidet.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
