the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
