Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
