she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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