Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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