She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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