Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Im part way to drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
