I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
