Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
