i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found puke in my bra..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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