My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
