i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
