VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
