Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
