I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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