I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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