I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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