3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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