can u get pink eye on your cock?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
