either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
