you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
