Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
