she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize