Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
