keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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