he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
