She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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